Just a Dream

Ever dream about something or someone for nights on end? That can happen when you spend a lot of time going over something to do with a project that you have been totally involved with for quite awhile or thinking about a person that you have to deal with all the time. Occasionally, such dreams can be helpful; your sub-conscious may actually provide you with the solution to a perplexing problem through one of those dreams. Sometimes, those dreams about a person you know can be pleasant. But some recurring dreams are simply a nuisance and you’re happy when you finally wake up and shake off any memory of them. No-one likes annoying reruns.

A Busy But Enjoyable Weekend

Saturday started with a brisk walk with Margaret and our dogs. We had lots of good conversation along the way. The dogs seem to be getting more used to each other now, Holly desperately wanting to play with Molly.

Later, I took in the Manitoba Orchid Society’s “show and sell” at the Conservatory. Every imaginable orchid was on display. All sizes, shapes, and colours. Obviously, the participants went to a tremendous amount of work, setting up the extensive and attractive displays. The turnout was quite good, everyone from new growers, like me, to the expert aficionados. The members of the society that I spoke to were very helpful, with some good tips on orchid growing and care. There were many of orchids for sale, one of which I brought home with me.

Still later, I visited my children and families in their homes. While at Josi and Greg’s, I was lucky to get a few more nice photos of Matt and Alex that I later posted on Facebook. Josi gave me a wonderful photo album of photos of her family, taken over the past year. When I got to Mike and Tasha’s, they were just leaving to run some errands so I was unable to photograph my other grand-child at the time.

I stopped on the way home to pick up some ingredients for a chicken stew I wanted to make in the evening. Coming out of the store, I met Renita and we chatted for a little while. That was a pleasant surprise. Home again, Holly needed another walk before I could turn to making my big pot of stew. My home gradually was infused with some great smells.

Sunday was busy, too. After walking Holly, I met Bob and Pat at Kum Koon Gardens for a great dim sum brunch. Getting together with these friends is always a treat for me. They have shared so many interesting times together over the course of their marriage. Over dim sum, we talked about their trip to the Amazon, photography, and gardening. That conversation later continued at their Wildwood home over coffee.

Holly was waiting for me when I got home. I wandered around the yard with Holly, looking at everything and mentally listing all the yard work and minor projects ahead of me this summer. I am really looking forward to it all. After feeding Holly her “supper”, we then went out for another walk. It was much sunnier and warmer by mid-afternoon. I came home to find that I was invited to supper at Trudie’s with the kids and grand-kids. Trudie made us a very nice meal, enjoyed by all. And, finally, I was able to get a few updated shots of Katie.

At home again, Holly insisted on an evening walk and a couple of milk bones before she would let me do what I wanted. I ended the evening and the weekend reading a Swedish mystery in bed, Holly resting on the floor beside me. Who could ask for anything more?

Gratitude Moves Us Forward

Often, we forget all the good things we have and that are happening in our lives. We may fixate on our disappointments, our mistakes, or other negative thoughts. Those periods of our lives (whether they last for hours, days, or months) can be depressing.

It's only when we open the window blinds on a bright, sunny morning and look around --- at our home, our warmth and comfort, what's inside and what's outside --- that we can be filled with gratitude for what we have and then move forward in our lives.

Thinking about gratitude, I am reminded of a favorite quote of mine, written by Denis Waitley: "Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude".

Our home may be humble, our income may be small, and we may not be able to do all the things we want or have all the things we wish for, but we can be happy with what we have. Once we accept ourselves for what we are (flaws and all) and are grateful for what we do have, we can move forever in our lives. Only then can we really be happy and share that happiness with our family and friends.

Vicarious Travel

At the Entomological Society of Manitoba luncheon yesterday, about 25 of us were treated to an excellent presentation by Bob and Pat on their recent trip to the Galapagos Islands. Having read about Darwin's voyage in the Beagle, it was neat to see Bob and Pat's photos of the islands and their flora and fauna. Bob and Pat, in turn, talked about the geography, volcanic history, and the plants and animals there. Their talk, spiced with anecdotes, was both educational and entertaining.

After reading so much about Darwin and his discoveries, I have always dreamed of going their myself. But, alas, the cost is now too prohibitive for me. On the other hand, lots of other adventures, closer to home, are still affordable.

Life is a Journey

And it should be fun for yourself and for your family and friends. Lately, I’ve found many people writing about the things they should do to enjoy their journey through life. Some of the points that these wise people made seemed close to my thoughts so I’ve listed a few of them below. If nothing else, these points make me really appreciate the good things I have in my life.

1. Life may not always be fair but it can always be good.
2. Life is too short to waste time being angry with someone.
3. Make peace with your past; don’t let it ruin your present.
4. When you’re upset, take a deep breath; it’ll calm you down.
5. If you love something in your life, go for it.
6. Be prepared for the worst; then, go with the flow.
7. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
8. Forgive everyone everything; then, it’s no longer your problem.
9. If they want it, let them have it; it’s not worth fighting over.
10. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved; the best is yet to come.

Regardless of your age or the path you are following, make sure you and yours have a good time on your journey.

Thanks, Vladimyr!

My friend, Vladimyr came over yesterday afternoon to fix a problem that I was having with the remote timer he had lent to me, for taking time-lapse photos of flowers opening with my Canon EOS 10D. It didn't take him very long to resolve the problem. Of course, it was his equipment and he has a couple of engineering degrees, so I wasn't expecting him not to figure out where I went wrong.

After we set up for time-lapse photos of my amaryllis that was just starting to flower on the dining room table (a table, by the way, that Vladimyr built many, many years ago, when he was a woodworker), we went out onto the deck for coffee and to enjoy the warm, sunny weather. Every few minutes, while we talked and solved all the world's problems (Vlad's also a bit of a philosopher), another flock of Canada geese flew over, heading north. We couldn't identify it but a falcon also zipped over us, with its distinctive cry. What a wonderful way to while away a few afternoon hours.

Spring Definitely Came This Past Weekend

Warm weather, wonderful walks, and the appearance of pussy willows. Such a great weekend, especially on Saturday when Holly and I were accompanied by Margaret and her dog, Molly. It's definitely more enjoyable walking and talking with a friend than just walking alone with Holly.

Sunday, I saw some pussy willows opening for the first time this year. Funny how such a small, natural occurrence like that can fill one's soul. I suppose everyone who lives in Winnipeg is so looking forward to seeing "green" again, it's understandable. And, that green is slowly appearing in my yard. First, the grass reappeared. Now, I'm seeing some hints of some of my perennial plants.

This weekend, I guess I'll start cleaning up the yard in earnest, pruning back dead foliage from last year's perennials and, maybe, making another trip to the garden centre (just to look, of course!)

So Proud

So proud of "my kids" and their kids. Both my son and daughter are now grown and have worked hard to have the careers they have. Both are happily married to wonderful people and have started their families, giving me three grand-children. I love seeing them as often as I can.

Watching my grand-children grow is a delight. Ever time i see them, they have changed a little or a lot. I love recording these changes with my camera and posting them on my Facebook page for everyone to see. Many photos just get stored on my desktop computer and, every once in a while, I review the images. It's like looking at a time-lapse series of a flower coming into bloom.

At My Own Pace

Attempting to be what you think someone else wants you to be is an exercise in futility. You are bound to fail if you are trying to live up to someone else’s expectations of you. You can only be what you, yourself, want to be while you strive to be a better person.

Change is only possible from within. Even then, it is hard to make changes in yourself that are right for you. You have to work at making those changes in yourself that you are comfortable with. You have to work at your own speed. There will be progress and there will be setbacks. What’s important is that you keep trying. That you keep moving forward.

Today, I will try to learn, grow, and set the limits I need in my life at my own pace. The timing need only be right for me.

Live … Laugh … Love

Three things to remember, every day. Life is too short not to enjoy every minute of it that you can.

Some Things I Want to Do Before I Die

• Have a croissant and coffee at a Tuscan café on a sunny afternoon
• Drink scotch whiskey at a friendly pub in Ireland
• Learn to roll in a kayak
• Hike in Gros Morne National Park
• Give $100 to a busker at the Forks
• Install a bay window in the kitchen, over the sink
• Ring a church bell
• Write my family history
• Take a two-week vacation without a computer or phone
• Zip line through a canopy
• Finish up all the unfinished projects in the house
• Plant tulip bulbs in a public space
• Hug a dolphin
• Ride the world’s biggest, fastest roller coaster
• Grow 'Bleeding Hearts'
• Rent a beach cabin near Tofino for 2 weeks and walk the beach every day
• Buy and ride a mountain bike
• Photograph the northern lights
• Learn to be happy with what I've already achieved

Alone But Not Lonely

Unexpectedly, I am living alone for the first time in 25 years. At first, the quiet around the house, especially in the evenings and on the weekends, was unsettling and I missed being with someone. It has been a couple of months now and I have adjusted fairly well to living alone. Being on my own has given me the opportunity to find happiness and strength within myself. I’ve discovered a few things about myself that I never realized or thought about too much before. I’m learning a lot now about developing better and closer relationships with other people. My self-confidence and self-esteem has grown daily.

I’ve never been busier. I have more responsibilities now than I had before. There are literally hundreds of small jobs to do around the house. I suppose there always will be. It’s been a steep learning curve, doing some things that I haven’t had to do before. Preparing and sticking to a budget and looking after all the financial details are a challenge.

However, now, I am in control of everything that I do, that I spend money on, and that affects my day-to-day living and future security. In addition, I no longer have to please someone else or feel responsible for making that person happy, not that I should have had to do that before anyways. Thus, my life is a lot simpler but more active now.

I also have a wonderful dog to keep me entertained (and well exercised!). Her name is Holly. She’s a bouvier with a great personality. She’s also very demanding when it comes to her daily routines. She’s training me to provide everything that she wants in her life. I don’t know what I would do without her as my constant companion.

Although I’m alone, I’m seldom lonely. My life is rich and satisfying in many ways. I’m rebuilding my network of friends. In addition, my son and daughter and a few of my closest friends provide me with more love and support than I deserve. I enjoy having them over to cook for them and to entertain them and be entertained by them. In addition, I visit them for the same reasons. We have all become much closer.

I would love to share my life with someone very special again. I miss some things associated with sharing a home and life with someone else but, for now, I am content and enjoying life on my own. I live in the moment. What more could I ask for?

Friendship

I found an anonymous quote recently that means much to me right now: “friendship is when people know all about you but like you anyways”. Over the past month or so, I’ve been reconnecting with many of my old friends and acquaintances. I haven’t been in contact with some of these people for over twenty years. This renewing of friendships was long overdue.

Over time, we often drift away from people we’ve worked with, been friends with, or simply met through other friends. It may have happened because we’ve been “too busy” with other things or because one of us has moved, changed jobs, or for some other reason. Regardless, we originally liked each other and were interested in each other for one reason or another. So, it’s been good reconnecting with these people. A few of these friends now even know about and read this blog.

Getting together with these people --- one by one --- over coffee, having lunch together, or simply going for a walk together, has been great. Sometimes, it’s been a little awkward at first. Other times, it’s been as if we saw each other yesterday (instead of years ago) and we just continued with our conversation. In some cases, we’ve gotten to talking about mutual friends and this has reminded me of other people with whom I can reconnect. What’s been good is that each of us has come away from these “reconnections” feeling better from having made the effort to get together.

Someone once told me that you can never have too many friends. How true …

Why I Write in This Blog

I write here, not because I have something to say to you. Not because I want you to like or understand me. Not because I'm looking for approval. I write here simply to leave a tangible record of my thoughts. If my posts make you think or cause you to do something good for someone else, all the better.

Sail on Silver Girl

The lyrics of Simon And Garfunkel’s “Bridge Over Troubled Water” are brilliant in their simplicity and in the diverse ways in which they can be interpreted or applied to life. Depending on your mood or your situation, they can bring you hope, joyfulness, or sadness. Listening to Simon And Garfunkel sing today on my sound system, the lyrics bring me hope for my future.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

Yesterday, on my Facebook page, I posted a quote by Marcel Proust: "let us be grateful to people who make us happy ... they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom". Since making that post, I have thought about myself and my role in the happiness of other people. Sometimes, I think that my role in life has been to make other people happy. Sometimes, I think that I've always done things to help or to please other people. Just for a word of approval. Of course, I failed at that, just as I've failed at so many other things to do with intimate relationships, because I didn't understand that each of us is responsible for our own happiness.

That's not to say that we should not try to help others be happy. We should. If there's something we can do to make life more pleasant, happier, safer, or easier for someone else, and it's within our power to do it, we should do it. Even if we don't get a word of thanks or a smile, we should try to help those we love or care about. But we must remember: we are each responsible for our own happiness.

We have to realize, too, that, sometimes, it's best, for ourselves and for others, that we stand aside and let the other person learn to find their happiness by themselves, just as we must learn to find our own happiness by ourselves. Sometimes, it's only by our first letting go that we can later come together and share our happiness.

Why is it?

Some people throw it away if it doesn't work; others try to fix it. Why can't they work together to make it right again?

You Can Learn Something New Every Day

A friend of mine, named Vladimyr, recently sent me an mp3 of him playing a short composition on his oud. Yes, that is right, his oud. I’m so musically untalented that I can hardly play my stereo so I turned to Wikipedia on my computer to discover that “the oud is a pear-shaped, stringed instrument commonly used in Middle Eastern music … it is often seen as the predecessor of the western lute, distinguished primarily by its lack of frets”.

I loved listening to my friend’s piece so I turned again to my computer and checked out YouTube to look for more oud music. I found some great oud players (and a few not so great) and their music, proving once again that you can learn something new every day. If you are interested, just Google “YouTube oud” and listen to something very different.

Grass is Always Greener Under the Bird Feeder

Our recent spell of warm weather has been melting the snow fast in my backyard. It's not very deep now at all. There are actually a couple of small patches of green grass showing. One such patch is right under the bird feeder.

Bird lovers can probably guess why. It's partly because of the spilled and broken sunflower seeds that have accumulated all winter and partly because of the friendly neighborhood cottontails (that Holly hates with a passion) that have been feeding on those seeds and leaving their own deposits behind.

Anyways, it's just another small mess that I'll soon have to clean up. This is one job that I'm actually looking forward to because it means "Spring!" is just around the corner. I know, I know. There could be some nasty weather before Spring really arrives but I'm one of those "half-full", not "half-empty" kind of people. I’m still an optimist, despite everything.

That reminds me. Where are my seed catalogues? Except for one short visit to one local garden centre, I’ve managed to restrain myself so far. I don't think I'll be able to hold out much longer though.

Lately, I've been doing scores of web searches on growing different kinds of flowers and vegetables. I’ve also been getting my camera gear ready so I can photograph everything that grows in the yard once more. Looking at those pictures of trees, shrubs, flowers, and vegetables helps me to get through the long Manitoba winter.

Enjoying the Simple Things

The simple things of life are under-valued. Things like watching a garden grow and flower. Watching my kids and grand-kids mature, change, and flourish. Enjoying the pleasure of my dog, Holly, snuggling beside me, just wanting a brief cuddle from me (she is a bouvier, after all!). Seeing hoar frost blow from grey branches as the morning wind stirs. Feeling the warm winter sun on my face while I’m out on a walk. A smile and a wave from a passing stranger. Reading a really good book.

Observing and listening to things in the natural world ... like bright orange lichen on mossy tree bark, a deer grazing in the woods, waves lapping on a sandy beach, a bird's feather along a path, chickadees at the backyard feeder, blue jays having a conversation overhead, raindrops falling into a pool of water, a flower bud opening. And, in the kitchen, sampling a warm, fresh-baked, peanut butter cookie. Life is good.

Three Sides to Every Coin

Everyone says that there are two sides to a coin. You’ve probably heard about the two sides of some coins: e.g., him/her, white/black, happiness/sadness, dark/light, life/death, winter/summer, wet/dry, full/empty.

Dualism be damned. There are really three sides to every coin, if you count the outer edge, as I do. I actually find the outer edge the most interesting. The faces of a coin are usually fairly simple. It’s the outer edge that gives a coin its real character. Is it smooth, knurled, or multi-faceted? The outer edge isn’t there for decoration. It’s the crust that holds the surfaces together.

So, next time someone says they’re sad and they want to be happy, think of that outer edge. Maybe, to get from one side to the other, they may have to spend some time on the edge. Maybe, just maybe, the edge is a better place to be, at least for a while.

Done That List

Inspired by Chris, I humbly present my "done that" list:

1. Travelled in Iceland, Greenland, UK, France, Netherlands, Botswana, Zambia, Zimbabwe, New Zealand, Aruba, Barbados, the USA (most states), and Canada (everywhere except Labrador) ... and maybe a few other places that I've forgotten.
2. Sewn on a few buttons.
3. Snorkeled.
4. Ran a 10K and a triathlon.
5. Built a garden shed and countless tables, bookcases, and bread boards.
6. Seen bears, moose, deer, elk, mountain goats, and skunks (up close).
7. Sat in the cockpits of (too) many small planes and helicopters.
8. Have a hard time with English (but can read a little French).
9. Can do laundry, ironing, vacuum, cook and bake.
10. Ate a mosquito once (not by choice).
11. Have killed zillions of mosquitoes.
12. Met a few mayors, reeves, and premiers.
13. Grown lots of vegetables and some flowers.
14. Planted lots of trees and shrubs, including some lilacs.
15. Have been interviewed by print, radio, TV journalists hundreds of times.
16. Have kept a daily journal for over 40 years.
17. Have done some watercolours, calligraphy, and pen and ink sketching.
18. Have taken thousands and thousands of photos.
19. Still use index cards.

Winter is Almost Over

Here, in “Winterpeg”, winter hangs on forever. Everyone who can do so heads south for a week or two to escape the cold weather. But, today, it seems like winter is almost over. With a temperature just over the freezing mark and some fog and light drizzle, there was actual slush in my street. Dirty slush (hey, it’s Winnipeg!) but it beats packed snow and ice any day.

Of course, the key word above is “seems”. Wasn’t it Forrest Gump who said “March is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get”? The forecast high temperatures for all of this week are above freezing but anything can happen in March. Even April weather can’t be trusted in Manitoba.

Regardless, I’m enjoying the lengthening days. I’ve put away the heavy parka for lighter version. Soon, I won’t even have to wear gloves. Imagine that!

Gorp Bars Are Best Served Cold

Good old raisins and peanuts, bound together with equal measures of corn syrup, brown sugar, chocolate chips, and peanut butter. Melted together in a big pot on the stove-top, with extras like dehydrated cranberries, crushed walnuts, ground coconut, and sunflower kernels, thrown in for good measure. Spread the molten mixture out in a big Pyrex baking dish, let cool, cut up into small squares, package up into freezer containers, freeze, and serve cold to your guests later. Yummy! Good, too, for when you need that sugar-fix, in the middle of the night.

An Unbroken Bond

Holly, my 4- going on 5-year-old bouvier, and I are well bonded. If I feed her a bowl of tasty food, give her a few milk-bones during the day, and take her for 2-mile walk every day, she has agreed to lick my face when I am least expecting it. In addition, she will sleep on my bed when I am not looking.

This is, of course, as Martha would say, a good thing. I am forced to keep up certain daily routines, I get enough exercise (although Holly would argue, perhaps correctly, that I need at least twice as much walking as I am getting), and I know that, when my pillow reminds me of her, it's time to change my bedding. Sometimes, especially when it has been raining, that is a little more often than I would like!

Just Spinning My Wheels

A friend of mine told me about how he parked his old VW Passat wagon in his gravel driveway last summer, deciding to bicycle his way to work. He needed the exercise and wanted to brag that he was "being green". Well, summer ended and he decided to start up the old wagon. It started okay, after some coughing and smoking, but when he put it in gear, it wouldn't move. The front wheels spun but the rear wheels were locked in place. Seems the parking brake was set all summer and, being a rather wet Winnipeg summer, everything seized or rusted up.

Well, he thought, I'll just jerk the old wagon back and forth, and unfreeze the rear brakes. That, of course, didn't work. All he did was bury his front wheels to the axle in his gravel driveway. Long story short. He ended up selling his old VW beater a few weeks later ... "as is, where is" ... for a few hundred dollars.

I thought of that story when I thought of my day today. Oh, it was a good day in many ways. It was certainly a beautiful Manitoba morning. Mild for this time of year. Sunny, with those blue skies for which we're famous. And, all the trees and shrubs were thick with hoar frost. Perfect for walking my dog with a friend who I hadn't talked to for nearly 30 years. Yes, my day started out very good.

But, later in the afternoon, alone with my thoughts, I started spinning my wheels. I was thinking of some of the things that had happened in my life over those nearly 30 years since I had talked with this friend. Lots of the things that had happened to me were wonderful. In fact, most of the things that had happened to me were quite wonderful. I had met many great people, I had done many things in my personal life and career that I was respected for and proud of, I had travelled all over the world, I saw most of my dreams fulfilled. Everything seemed perfect. And, it was. Then, my life was totally changed. By 'circumstances beyond my control'.

Now, I am beginning a new life. I just have to recognize when I'm 'spinning my wheels' and stop it, shake my head, and move on.

De-cluttering My Life

According to Clutterers Anonymous (yes, Martha, there is such a group), clutter is "anything we don't need, want, or use that takes our time, energy or space, and destroys our serenity". So, my life is definitely 'cluttered'. My goal is to de-clutter my life, one thing at a time.

There are some obvious places to start in my home. Walking through all of the rooms, on the main floor and in the basement, I see countless 'things' that need to be passed on to other people or organizations, the Sally Ann being my favourite place to take my unwanted but reusable 'stuff'.

Looking outside, in the backyard, under all the snow, I know there other things to be examined for possible disposal, when spring finally comes. Of course, all those trees, shrubs, and flowers waiting for the warmth of spring, are not among the items that will be disposed of. In fact, I'm looking forward to increasing their number as soon as the garden centres in Winnipeg get into full swing.

I know my life will never be entirely free of clutter. Sometimes, I wake from a dream and realize that clutter also includes thoughts of times past. That kind of clutter may never disappear. One can only hope that, someday, it will be replaced, perhaps by a better kind of clutter.

Family for Brunch

Nothing lifts my spirits better than seeing my son and daughter and their families come to visit. Today, I was able to have everyone for brunch. It felt good to prepare a meal for everyone and to take a few more photographs of "the boyz", my grand-sons, Matt and Alex. Family fills my soul ...

I am a rock; I am an island

The rock feels no pain and an island never cries ...

Moving On ...

I'm starting over, in more ways than one. It might be best for me to start with a favourite quotation.

I have many "favourite quotes" but I think the following one is a good one for the beginning of this blog: "don't push the river … it flows on by itself … happiness is letting the happenings happen".

These days, that's what I'm doing, going with the flow. It sure beats swimming against the current. I've tried that a lot in the past couple of months and nearly drowned a couple of times trying.

Going with the flow doesn't hurt as much.