"What a jerk!"

Some woman reserve this word for certain men that they consider to be an idiot or stupid.  It is usually said from one woman to another, almost never to the guy's face.  These men are judged to be insensitive, selfish, ignorant, and/or cocky guys who are inconsiderate and do stupid things.  Yes, it's gender stereotyping.  Yes, it's a mean thing to say about someone.  And, yes, regrettable though it is, men have similar words for women that they think have these characteristics.

I was once called a jerk by someone who I thought was a close friend.  She was communicating with an old mutual friend of ours and, I suppose, never thought her words would get back to me.  I had told her friend earlier that I thought she was being manipulative about something (she had been passing on personal information about me) and, as a result, I didn't want to have anything to do with her any more.  She told our mutual friend about it and I was labelled a jerk by the friend.  Yes, it hurt to learn that she had called me a jerk.

The latter person (the one who called me a jerk) remained friendly to me and, to her credit, didn't mention her conversation with her friend.  I never said anything about this to her for a number of reasons.  First, I think she said it mainly for her friend's benefit: maybe woman to woman sympathy for the way I treated her friend?  Second, I might have to reveal how I knew what she said it.  But, it certainly made me more cautious when talking with her.

So, what's the point of this post?  First, I've learned to be more careful when dealing with manipulative people.  One can disengage from relationships with such people without saying why, simply by discontinuing to have anything personal to do with them.  I've also come to realize that even some close friends can sometimes say things about you to other friends that you wish they hadn't.  It's unfortunate that you can't be completely open and honest with some friends but, people being the way they are, it's always wise to think about what you say to someone.